


Missing

by Pinx_B (orphan_account)



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Drama, F/F, Future Fic, Heavy Angst, Introspection, Mild Sexual Content, Yuri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-27
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-10-11 20:20:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10473585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Pinx_B
Summary: You can't yearn for something you've never had they say but what about when you did have it and it disappears?..





	

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_"I miss you"._

Nico watched Maki closely, wondering why she was still there in their bed and allowing Maki to touch her. It wasn't the same touch that use to set her body alight, no, it felt so cold wherever her fingers landed. But cold would be an understatement in itself she thought as the long fingers seem to rip open her skin.

_"I miss us"._

It was a kind of cold that was buried in ice and untouched deep within the Arctic waters, the same place where Maki's heart had resided. Nico knew this and felt it as she lay there, experiencing this frozen sensation from a touch that used to meld perfectly with her skin and couldn't leave because it was too much to part with.

_"I miss how you used to make me feel"._

Nico wondered if this is what it felt like to drown in an ocean, to be suffocated and dunked down to the depths, exactly the same way that Maki was dragging her hand down her throat; staring death in the face and being completely helpless and even more twisted in this context because she was allowing the redhead to pull her down.

_"I miss seeing the love in your eyes"._

Maki's eyes were glazed over and Nico shivered, not in anticipation like she once used to, but now in fear. Once they burned love for her, the violets ablaze but now they burned with emptiness but still; Nico couldn't tear her gaze away from them. They were glass; hard and cold as she stared into them whilst the memories of how soft they once were screwed around in her head. Still, Nico wouldn't pull away, she couldn't, she didn't know how to anymore.

_"I miss the feeling of nerves when you spoke to me"._

There was nothing tender and soft in Maki's voice when she asked Nico if she was okay, the fact that there was no emotion there was what stabbed Nico the most but she would say she was. It was self destructive but Nico wanted Maki, even if she never returned to the one when they met, Nico would accept it. She would clinch onto the past like a torrid addiction, even if she killed her.

_"I miss how happy you were"._

Nico wished for Maki to react, to show something on the face she once rushed home just to look at. Anything, a waver of a smile, a coy scoff, emotive eyes; anything. But as Maki's hands moved down her body to part her thighs, she showed nothing and Nico wanted to cry. Her face remained statuesque with each movement as if she was in a trance, simply moving without affection and only power.

_"I miss the way you looked at me"._

Maki barely glanced at her when she moved onto her stomach to rest between Nico's legs, her eyes focused on the woman's skin where her fingers were toying around. But Nico said nothing as she herself thought of the old Maki that couldn't get enough of her in place of the one there that was about to get physical with her now, she wouldn't dare to call it making love anymore; it was only sex. There wasn't anything remotely resembling love with what they were doing now and the thought made Nico shudder.

_"I miss the long essays of love"._

Nico could memories ever word Maki had uttered and written to her, be it through the music or the confessions of love. It was like a loop playing on replay in her mind because Maki never spoke to her anymore, no more than a few coarse and tame words now and then or muffled groans of detached affection. It was frightening, to forget the voice of someone she gave everything to only to have it torn apart as the years went by without any remorse or reason.

_"I miss the late nights with you"._

Night where they'd draw it out with laughs, moans and words of sweet nothings that encapsulated what they felt for each other. Now it was like an arduous task for Nico to go through and a robotic string of actions from Maki with how she touched her. Feeling the redhead's touch now felt devoid of anything that resembled the living yet Nico still couldn't move, at least for one more night she'd tried to enjoy it. So she tells herself between clenched teeth and tremulous shivers.

_"I miss thinking about our future"._

Nico winced at that thought as Maki's bleak eyes stared up at her and it dug out a bigger hole in her heart knowing there was no future after this. It was all dead and gone the more Maki reclused into herself, Nico simply existing on the side like as a pitiful distraction that she had become for her. All the plans, all the glorious plans simply washed away with each second that Maki cut herself from Nico's system.

_"I miss your touch"._

But the cruel reality hit her as she gasped out when Maki's fingers moved over her core, it'd never by like it was. There was nothing to look forward to Nico thought, the stiff and repetitive movements from the redhead reassuring her that any ounce of tender love and pleasure they once had had been drained from Maki's existence. The body resting between her legs and the lazy movements of Maki inside her seemed empty, as if Nico was imagining it all, imagining that Maki actually gave a fuck about her anymore; only screwing her out of boredom.

_"I miss the smile on your face"._

How long had it actually been Nico wondered, where she saw the redhead genuinely smile. The corners of her pretty lips tilting up towards the sky out of humour, shyness or joy; the crinkle in her violet eyes to reflect how happy she was. Too long because she couldn't remember what Maki's smile looked like, it felt like the memory of it had been clawed out of her brain forcefully and the remnants of the ghost of that smile haunted the space that held the mental image.

_"I miss how special you made me feel"._

They'd lost that, or more Maki did since Nico became something she would see to when she needed it. Even then, Nico thought to herself as she winced in pain surrounded with pleasure as Maki bit down on her stomach; at least she made an effort before they slept together. The romance was there, the foreplay, the words of respect as they exposed themselves to each other but that was no longer a thing. One rabid kiss, one push onto the bed or solid surface, a few fleeting touches to get Nico wet and that was it.

_"I miss how in sync we were"._

From the glance of an outsider, it would've been easy to see how suitable Maki was for Nico and vice versa but looking deeper and past the façade of perfection, one would see the glaring cracks in their relationship. Maki's indifference, Nico's stubbornness; both colluding to give an illusion of opposites attract but that couldn't be further from the truth. The redhead was messy and selfish with Nico now, even more so during moments like this where she was blinded from seeing Nico's discomfort when she removed her fingers from her, barely giving her a moment to savour it all.

_"I miss the way you were sure about me"._

It made Nico falter further whilst watching Maki look up at her with eyes that depicted just that. The uncertainty of what she had just done, who she was in bed with & why she was bothering. The look of an aimless destination reached by someone who no longer treasured the person they would've once give up everything for and Nico realised that she was something disposal to her now. She had known this for a while now but watching the stranger get back up on her knees and hover over her made her feel sick, there wasn't an inkling left of the woman she once desired more than life itself.

_"I miss the way you didn't give up on me"._

That much was evident for Nico in terms of watching their relationship disintegrate before her own eyes. The redhead's need to put in effort and mending each other's minds dissipated slowly out of her reach, her mind barely in the room whenever they were together. Just like now, there was no move to speak, or to fix things because for Maki; it was a losing battle and Nico saw that. Yet she still caved whenever she made an undignified and passionless pass at her and Nico's old headstrong self shrunk in fear and hopelessness.

_"I miss the way you fought for me"._

She pushed Maki's hand away that was going to land on her cheek, a victory touch she seemed to do whenever she got Nico to crumble and the notion fuelled Nico's disgust. She'd become a prize to the redhead now, not something worth striving for and going out of her way to love. They fought, not for each other now but at each other, physically or mentally because there was no emotion to it and knowing this replaced Nico's feeling of hopelessness with anger now, especially given the sadistic smirk that Maki was giving her.

_"I miss the electricity between us"._

All that was left between them was static, painful and invisible yet always there lingering around them. Nico flinched at the thought of everything they had lost, all the energy, the commitment, the need and staring up at Maki who seemed unbothered by any thought; she knew that she was the only one mourning for the loss of what they had. It was her soul that would bare the brunt of the detachment and broken relationship, there was always one who cared more after all.

_"I miss dreaming about you"._

Even dream Maki had lost the lure for Nico as the impureness of her infected every inch of her head with darkness. As the redhead bent down to kiss her, Nico held her breath and clawed at Maki's arms, trying to get her to wake up and realise how much she has destroyed  her and to fix it. Because after everything, all Nico wanted was Maki back, one that had made her life and dreams pleasant and real. She didn't want the taste of this stranger that she was kissing to be the last thought of what they had but Nico knew that it unlikely to ever go back to how things were.

_"I miss your comfort"._

There was nothing that resembled safety and comfort in the woman who was exploring her mouth, her hands wondering down Nico's skin till she pinned her arms down. The body and mind that she once sought shelter in was nothing now and Nico didn't even react when Maki pulled away and pushed her arms down into the bed harder. The comfort of teasing disappeared, the restraining pressure feeling loose compared to the tightened feeling in Nico's chest as her red eyes watered.

_"I miss being the one you turned to"._

She did in the past, Maki always turned to Nico for help and comfort in her own ways and this is where Nico felt she herself perhaps failed. She wondered if Maki had closed herself off because she felt that she couldn't turn to her anymore. But even trying to address the problem with the redhead got her shot down and after countless of moments of trying to get though to her, she stopped blaming herself; coming to terms with the fact that Maki had simply lost interest. Well, almost came to terms with it.

_"I miss us being on the same page"._

She was worlds apart from Nico, in a different universe almost given the far away expression she usually had on her face. That smirk was almost like a blessing whenever it braced Maki's lips, it meant she was at least there for a moment, mentally and manipulatively. At least Nico could read her for that brief second even if the action was a vulgar yet charming one and Maki probably knew how it made Nico feel hence why she taunted her with it. Teasing her almost, as if saying 'I'm still here but only to get what is mine and see you suffer and you can't fucking resist it can you?'. She was right, Nico couldn't and she despised herself for it.

_"I miss making you feel alive"._

Maki had already ripped out the carefree part of Nico's soul one thoughtless action at a time. Where once the redhead ran through her body whilst providing the fuel to live and conquer everything, what went through Nico now was cold and disastrous toxicity. She felt like Maki was lava running through her veins, burning her up slowly in thick waves and scorching but as they glared at each other, Nico guessed she liked her that way seeing as that this is all she would get.

_"I miss missing you"._

Removing her wrists from Maki's grasp, Nico grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her face down to join once again in bitter tasting kiss because for her, it was better than not having her at all. She knew how unhealthy it was to indulge herself into this disturbing and dead relationship, Nico knew better but it was too late to sever the thorns that connected them together, something that was eerily beautiful but damaging, just like a rose itself. She couldn't help it, she was a lost cause for Maki and what they once had, Nico knew she should let go before they ruined each other for good but she could not even if she had tried and tried she had numerous times in the past. And as she let Maki into her arms for another round of loveless and desperate connecting, a cycle they had both perfected, Nico smiled an empty and shallow smile because no matter what; she'd always miss Maki enough to allow her back in.

_"I just miss you"._

Even if Maki was the monster under her bed, the skeleton in her closet, the ghost in her head and the demon not allowing her to break free and stop it.

_"I miss you, Maki.."._


End file.
